Uncertainties

There are many uncertainties going on right now. Very exhausting brooding over it.

I want not to lift the veil of my future fearing the worse-case consequences. And am combating the invisible power call destiny. My destiny I've fought over for many years, I accepted it for a very long time. When I began to work towards changing it, I realize the impossibility. I can't change my destiny. It's heart-rending to acknowledge it. But I can't really grasp the extent of this curse. Maybe it's real, maybe it's real, maybe it's real.

 

L

Boohoo

I lost, I got 2^nd runner-up for the humorous contest. Damn I am bitter when I lose when I think I should have won. This is shitty. I hate this. I thought I was the best and reality always always come bite me in the butt. This is so disgusting.

Is it possible knowing everything but still remain hopeless

 

Yeah, I can attest to that, maybe that skill and my character just do not match

No stupid answer. Any other has other answer?

What have I become?

This is hopeless, it seems like I am saying this every once in a while. Like I am forever trapped inside this cycle of despair and recovery. It's constant flapping to stay above the surface.

I will let myself go this time. I will start my journey of detachment. I will take the route of pain, to cold-turkey myself. To gain emancipation from this crisis.

Sheryl Crow is BACK!!

My favourite female rock act is back, holla!! The quintessence storyteller, the soul country rock act whom may I just add here, accessible to the masses. No one could put so much complexities in emotion packed up in an pop albume like Sheryl Crow.

100 Miles To Memphis is her 7^th studio album, Sheryl Crow co-produced together with Doyle Bramhall II and Justin Stanley. Doyle Bramhall II is a solo artist himself who had worked with Eric Clapton. Justin Stanley had worked with The Vines and Beck. This album packs some popular artists like Keith Richards and Justin Timberlake. The most surprising act for me is of course Justin Timberlake, most likely to prop up her star wattage which had been rather low due to the low sales of her last album, Detours. Justin Timberlake presence is not that prominent here as he only provides backup vocal alongside some lady voice. You would not have known him there if his name is not mentioned in the feature title. By the way, he appears in the cover version of Terrence Trent D'arby's 80's hit Sign Your Name.

One thing is clear with this album is that she has lost quite a bit of her raspy voice just like her most recent albums. I think starting from C'mon C'mon, her voice had sound thinner. Still many critics complain about her thinning voice which does not lend credit to her take into the Memphis sound. Starkly the first single, Summer Day is just not her typical single in the chart. No wonder it did not chart in the Hot 100 of billboard.

One stand-out track is perhaps the cover of this indie act from Washington DC, which The Washington Post back in 2002, proclaim him to be the most soulful export since Marvin Gaye, Sideways. Sideways came out in 2006, appear in several tv series soundtrack like Scrubs. Sheryl Crow had an opportunity to express her strong emotion outpouring which is starkly absent in this album.

When I first heard the album I accidentally heard first Jackson 5's I Want You Back. I thought I was mistakenly listening to the wrong album because uncannily the intro sounds almost exactly like the original Jackson 5's sound. I am unsure to why she chose to record this track but it gives a rather whimsical flair to her intention with this album.

Well I am not sure to what extend I should draw my conclusion to this album for I am never the person who could jump right in about an album with just one listen of even one-day listening. I need to really feel this album at the right time and right state, in order to really appreciate it. But overall, judging by just listening in background hush, I love it.

Inception

I just finished watching Inception, by Batman Forever's Christopher Nolan, starring Leonardo Di Caprio, Marion Cotillard, and Ellen Page. A movie that is 2 and a half hour long, but does not feel like one, the type of movie that I truly enjoy.

It tells about a group of secret agents who work in sort of mind espionage; getting into the mind of the victim to extract secrets which they could not get directly from any black-and-whites, like passwords or one's darkest secret. In this movie, the characters decided to take the tool a notch up, planting idea into the mind of the victims, to change them to make decisions or commit something which they will never commit due to their inherent original believes. Very cool premise indeed.

Written also by Christopher Nolan, this movie brings the audience to the possibility of playing with the mind by existing knowledge of human psychology; that dreams are human way of processing information, whatever that we dream of are our interpretation or ways of making sense to the reality of your day-to-day lives.

The hallmark of a great director, apart from able to inject humour into the story; like when the character of Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Arthur asked Ellen Page's Ariadne to kiss him after they realise the dreamscape they are in will about to break apart, thinking that the kiss would do something. After the kiss Ariadne realise that it did not work, Arthur said "well it was worth it", it also able to engage the audience throughout the whole show. I did not feel the story is 2 and a half hour long instead I was hoping for more for I was expecting more questions to be answered.

It's really quite impossible to come out with a mistake-proof, loopholeless fantasy movies, for you will always question every single details and people will always able to find fault in you and scriptwriter's job will not deserve to bother to even entertain those questions. (they should just say, "watch it again, if you still can;t find it, watch is yet again") I realise a good movies are able to hide well the holes camouflaged in superb plots and explosions, or make it so clever that it would be self-deprecating for people to even bring it up to their friends; it is so smart that everyone pretends to understand. I have in turn learn to accept the fact that good movies with strong premise like this are meant to be enjoyed, as long as they stimulate my intellectual hunger. Rather than questioning the details of the movie, I would want to just get inspired by the human potentials.

I find all audience around enjoy it. I know I do.

Kathy Griffin: The Ultimate Fag Hag

Kathy Griffin is a stand-up comedienne, and occasional actress in tv series and movies. Hilarious and audacious she is now my new role model. As a funny person, she is second to Jon Stewart as my favourite comedienne. Jon Stewart gives me the intellectual squeeze from his funny lines, while Kathy Griffin exemplify to me the audacious posture.

Her comedy content is usually sexual in nature, also dispensed with heavy dose of celebrity bloopers which she laced it with well-out-in-the-open sort of gossip. Her lines are so provocative, not to mention offended too many celebrities like Martha Stewart, Perez Hilton, Oprah Winfrey, and all prime-time late-night show hosts. Suffice to say she understands her market well; bitchy gays who have nothing else to do but having sex, going clubbing and denigrating celebrities during social hours.

It's a success story, she does sold-out shows to audience consists of in her own words "gays and women who wants to sleep with them". I like it that she belch out anything under the sun, the more provocative the better, and is not scare one bit of the consequences. There're of course many things she wouldn't say, like racism, gender discrimination and

Blindsided: Gorilla in The Mist

Christpher Chabris and Daniel Simon conducted a study on a group of people. They showed them a video of a group of people in a place of what's look like a corridor passing around a two basketballs. The sample were asked to count the number of passes performed by one group while ignoring the other. In the middle of the video, for 9 seconds straight a man in a gorilla suit strolled in, beats his chest at the camera and then walked out.

After the video, the audience were asked whether they see a gorilla in the video, and most of them say no. They are so absorbed with their task at hand that they failed to notice something as conspicuous as a gorilla in the video.

Do you remember chatting with your friend while window shopping, and then you notice a hot guy coming from the opposite direction. You try not to notice him and told your friend that there's a sales in Parkson. The thing is he did not answer you. After a couple of seconds when the hot guy passed through us, you asked your friend why he did not answer you, you realize your friend was trying hard not to notice that hot guy that he was phased out when you asked him question.

You failed to use your senses as occupied with something else. It's quite simple actually to understand this. Your ear is always open right? Meaning you always taking in audio messages. Why is it that you will not hear if your boyfriend whisper something in your ear? This is the simplest way of phasing out of the call. But Chabris and Simon goes further than that. They said that illusions and beliefs could lead us to see things we want to see and not to see things we don't want.

In short they listed down 6 common intuitive errors one could commit:

1. Inability to see something at plain sight
   
2. Belief that our memory is more reliable than they are
   
3. Belief that just because someone has confidence, they are competent
   
4. Belief that we remember more things than we do
   
5. Belief that just because two things occurring at the same time, it's causally related.
   
6. Belief that cognitive exercise works better in gaining your intelligence than physical exercise.
   

The thing is we are all aware of this in someway or another, just not entirely, because if we think we are entirely aware of this, then we're committing an error. This book says that we'll never be perfect, no matter how much perfect we think we are.

Niederhoffer

A name may not ring a bell rather throws you to a swampy land with gothic castle in the land of Transylvania, Romania. Victor Niederhoffer is a very successful hedge fund manager, statistician, best-selling author and ex-squash champion. He's what people in America like to call quant, and a very successful one, so successful that George Soros owned his business. Avid art collector and tennis lover, he is the type of person who had it all.

Stood at 6'3'', a face which Hollywood would instantly love, (reminds me of the guy who acted in Sex and The City , Carrie's lover in season 2, The elected Mayor remember?) and a brain that can almost literally change the world, he is the type of person I will never be but loved to, and even at times would wish to become.

But life was not all bed of roses for him. In 1997 when the Thai government decided to devalue Baht, which he betted against, believing no sane government would bring down its own currency, lost billions of dollars and ended selling all his art collections. For me when I read it I felt like that must the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to a mega-person.

Malcolm Gladwell and Nicholas Taleb used him as the strong example of the financial manager supposed gamble with money. They argue that hedge fund, financial analyst and the goons are just lucky when the value of their money goes up, and it's just a matter of time they hit their Waterloo. All financial position in the market that earns a lot of money are plain luck, and just as easily they will lose it all away one day, it's just a matter of time.

I do not mind being Niederhoffer, seriously, as most geniuses have that sort of crisis in their life. I have my own crisis as well, most of the time make me older and smarter. My only gripe is that my failures and successes are not spectacular enough.

Break

The secret to my intellectual powerhouse is that I given opportunity for Time-Out. Just give me ½ an hour of shut-eye and perhaps a moment of self-introspective silent, I'll give you the idea of world-changing proportion.

Now I just dun have that moment, nor am I can get it. Have to wait. For now I am just ambling.

Heavy Dose of Talk: Same-Sex Marriage

Argentina has recently legalize gay marriage. This seems like a good thing but not necessarily. The normal human institution tries to get the whole world to conform to their needs. At the same time the gay community do not mind having a strong validation of their existence in addition to being able to enjoy the benefits all this while granted only to their heterosexual kin.

Homosexual marriage among the gays and lesbians are not unanimous especially voted by the undomesticated type who think the formal declaration is limiting nature's law and affecting significant economy damage to their population. Imagine spending money on marriage instead of boozing the night away and then when the love go sour will lead to bitter legal divorce and expensive prenuptial arrangement. For them Carpe Diem is sowing the seeds of lust than love.

However being married legally is human instinct to get validation of their love. Being married allows same inheritance and adoption right like their heterosexual counterpart.

I am on the fence about this. I might like to be married one day to someone I love, and spend the rest of my life with, only on the assurance that that marriage would last forever. But I hate the money involved in getting that whole ceremony done. I think it's a waste of money and everyone's time. At the same time, if being married produce a set of joint benefits like adoption and inheritance, I think it's definitely a good idea after all, if your love one leaves you behind, you want to make sure their stuffs are left to you, not to their parents whom renounced them for being who they are.

30 minutes fro now

Dear Diary,

I am writing a story right now. This might be the best story that I ever come out.

I like to invent stories in my head. I like to invent stories that I am the best looking guy in the story but tortured literally to live a life of sufferings. The sufferings could be so brutal it's pornish. This is rather wrong to say it, maybe because I watched too many sad movies with male leads being subject to miseries. It's was so great watching male leads getting challenged in their life.

How should I say it better? Male lead facing challenges in life and found the courage to break away from it and came out stronger? Or perhaps male lead made mistakes to cause themselves to question their faith, eventually deliver the best act they ever do? What am I mumbling? Maybe I am just not able to express it.

It feels like I am stuck here, in this mud, unable to cross to the side of tipping point, to release the energy, the creativity power that bestow to me. Am I the only person in this world to see myself as a ball of potential energy? Am I the only person to see the infinite future? Or is it I am just reading too many self-motivational books?

But to take out that picture in the background, it just impossible to fathom how can one not be able to see the potential one has? I am sure more than half of the successful people in this world, (and I must say the proportion is getting bigger and bigger by the day as the world became more egalitarian) are successful not solely by their realisation of their talent but realisation of their able to use talent to reach a higher and higher height. That's the truth. Maybe most of the people in this world have talent, but half of them do not know which talent, or they just do not think the talent worth the mentioning.

But I am digressing, and the digression ain't exactly impressive, but I need to move on to write about something more meaningful, some tangible ideas, some stories.

Hmm, let's see. The story I am going to tell now is perhaps me going about making myself a top student. Perhaps I should write something about being a humour speaker. I need to come out with a humor speech. Maybe this would be a great opportunity to do so. Let's see.

Warm up my audience.

Hi good evening, I am going to talk about something funny tonight. But you see, I've committed a blunder you know to even mention it in my first ever humor speech. This is definitely a recipe for disaster. I am not suppose to talk that I am going to write something humorous as talking about it already blow out the punchline. Silly silly me. See! You guys are not laughing. I am dejected. Bad, I should walk off now, now, standing away and wave, wave Lawrence, wave!!

Err, I shouldn't. Toastmaster's commandment, Thou shall not walk off the stage until thy light in front turn green. Else thou disqualified. Bad. What should I do? I am lost, I am committed a boo boo and I need to salvage the moment as people are just not laughing at me.

OK ok, now act like I am successful. Smile, Smile hard, harder. Harder. And stop thinking aloud.
Stop thinking aloud now.

Bad, I thought I remember seeing some great speakers can just make people laugh just by snapping his/her fingers. I should snap my fingers now. Ok here goes. Snap snap snap. Does not work. maybe I should snap when I am smilling, Showing some teeth perhaps. Oh dear, people are not laughing. Just now laughing.

OK, get yourself together and start talk about a story. Dear audience, I love to talk. I love to talk about speech that can make you laugh. I love to make people happy. That's why if you actually care to remember, my second ever speech since I join toastmaster, after my ice breaker was "How to learn to speak humorously" or something along that line. I was really afraid about talking on stage that I fumbled on my first ever humor speech. I don't quite remember where I what was the actual story of my first humour, but something along the line of spaceship or pencil.

Nevermind, I wanted to talk humour so much because I was really seriously the most, not the most serious child but the funniest child in the family. Seriously. I made them laugh on jokes I made like nobody's business.

I remember one time there's an ad about a card, some sort of bonuslink card, which you can flip out from your wallet and the sales man will smile a generous smile and say yeah, you get 10% discount. I dun remember much about that card name, but I kinda remember how it looked like. A black and red colored card, which did not last after a year. How that card manage to even survive is beyond me come to think of it now, as from a mature businessman perspective of mine, it just does't make much business sense.

Anyhoo, after one too many times they show that ad, I began to break out a joke to my family. Telling stories like if a child went to buy sweet, RM0.10 sweet and then before the mom and pop store owner punch the cashier machine, the child flip out the card, and the owner was crying "like that also want discount ar?" They would laugh out loud. OK OK, that's like an old story and nobody find it funny huh?

However the thing is I love my humour. I just lost it when I found hell. I found hell in movies, in temple, and in many places that talks about religion. People preach about being obedient, filial, morally right, quiet, dun talk too loud, conform!!. I was since afraid to express myself, I wanted to walk within the line. I wanted to follow the herd. That's where I lost myself. I lost that aspect of myself, expecting something like non-hell when I die. That was 20 years ago.

I lost 20 years of my voice, yet I am still alive. I had begun to shave off the conformist tendencies of my natural being, now I am seeing the light. I am free again. I am out of the shell again. But it's a long battle ahead. More needs to be done. I could have been a poet.

But I am happy the way I am. Being conformist has not it's tragedy. It's still a perfect life for me.

thanks

GOing through the day

Suddenly, my speeches s lows, suddenly my typing laced with mistakes, suddenly I am calm, suddenly my mood peaceful. I am not sure what and how this happens. This is the time when I need to do a lot of stuffs. There was a moment when things seems to slow down, now it kind of speeds up. Hmm, got a lot of stuffs going on. Only wish I could articulate it more.

But I am matured, I am older, I like it when I am older. I was once wishing I was 34, that was when I was about 30. Cause I wanted to lose my baby fat. It seems to come true. I lost the baby fat through my dieting to prep for my play. Now I look kinda hot at 66kg. haha.

I have to prepare for any possibilities

My business partner might pull out after a couple of months;

1. I will need a new trusted business partner to replace him.

2. I will make sure all his ideas and recipes are jotted down on papers.

Writing Again

Seriously it's not easy to put thoughts into words, I even find difficulty putting thoughts into sound. Most of the time it sound muffled. and oftentimes you get the "sorry?" "come again?" It's always annoys me when the moment I try to talk some noise always appear out of nowhere.

Like when I tried to say "have you gotten your paper yet?" after a long silence, suddenly a frigging motorcycles with its loud hoot start passing by you. Like when you finally got a good punchline, a baby starts to cry like on cue.

I am never good at writing, but I guess I am getting better at it, but still would I be good enough for a show? Will I be ready to write a script for my first show? I am worried, I am required now, I think I did a bad one. But I need to start somewhere.

I need to keep my thoughts flowing, it needs to get total continuous inspiration. I am not sure how to do it but this is the way. Rather than write bunch of nonsense in papers or word file where nobody can appreciate, I rather write here and wish upon wishes that one in a billion chance that someone would bump into this blog of mine and started to read it.

There are more and more blogs popping out like white discharge that chances are no one will read this but better write it anyway.

I am discovering talents which I never would have discovered if I were to do the same thing over and over again. My nature of getting bored of routine stuffs got the easy of me. Now I am writing an article. I am actually writing something. I've not been writing for a very long time. But I discovered the power of practicing and doing something with intensity.

Let me give you some example;

My recent show, Condo Cocoon was a huge success. I was given the meatiest role, the big break I was always wishing for since joining my production. And here I was, there given this role thanks to my performance during Toastmaster session that captivated the director. He was inspired by my top Play of The Lord of The Ring, that he asked to to reprise it in his play. I took it and play it hard. I know I could take this role and play it very well. But I know this is not enough. I must put more passion and intensity and practice into it. Not too much lest I get too exhausted(emotional attachment to something always makes one too deenergize). But I never take chances and at the very last seconds, things had to be perfect. It was made sure of. I made sure of that. And I ace it, well not entirely perfect but it was like amazing as I received a lot of accolades and praises. I am so proud of myself. But I know I put my best in it.

Same goes with learning to speak again. It wasn't easy but I made myself chant the Buddha word everytime I drive in my car. No radio station of music but just chanting of the Buddha name. I found out my speech capability improved. I always thought my speech impediment(inability to articulate well of words) was caused by two things; my inherent halitoris which afffect my self-confidence and my smoking pot which damage my speech centre in my brain. But I have regained some of the speech capability which I thought I've lost. Still it's not as good as before. Yet I know practice makes perfect.

This own business thing is not easy. Entails a lot of hard work. I will not take it for granted that I've got MBA, and lessons learned from MBA that I should be able to ace my work well. It takes a lot of meeting up with people and humble learning. Most learning actually takes a lot of energy. That's why people have to climb from bottom to top. Nobody can stand at the top without experiencing the bottom.

So this inspire me to take the extra mile, to trudge, to humbly take the road less traveled.

I decided to keep on writing for about perhaps I don;t know, 20 minutes to hone my writing skill. The time is almost up anyway. One more minute to go. I will do this every day for as long as I want to to make sure that I am the master of what I can become. I will not depend on other company anymore. I will depend on myself.

This is the story so far

This is the story so far. I am scared and beaten down. They are trying to push you down. This is what people do when you are up and talented.

But I will not give up in finding my destiny.

"You become embarrassed when you lose yourself" the character of Saw in the movie Ocean Thirteen.

If I find a safety net

I f I find a safety net now,

1, I will be too comfortable to take chances

2. I will not go out anymore until another crisis occur

3. I will be branded a loser anyway no matter where I go. It's too late. There's no redeeming opportunities already.

4. That industry is too boring and suffocative anyway.

5. I'll be too tired to start one anyway if I wait another longer.

6. I've got a lot of friends. They help!!

This is from Seth Godin

Arrogant

This is a fear and a paradox of doing work that's important.

A fear because so many of us are raised to avoid appearing arrogant. Being called arrogant is a terrible slur, it means that you're not only a failure, but a poser as well.

It's a paradox, though, because the confidence and attitude that goes with bringing a new idea into the world ("hey, listen to this,") is a hair's breadth away, or at least sometimes it feels that way, from being arrogant.

And so we keep our head down. Better, they say, to be invisible and non-contributing than risk being arrogant.

That feels like a selfish, cowardly cop out to me. Better, I think, to make a difference and run the risk of failing sometimes, of being made fun of, and yes, appearing arrogant. It's far better than the alternative.

Is this fate that I hear Opportunity when I am ready?

I am ready!

I am disciplined

I will achieve my goals of the 2012.

I will make sure this will happen.

Opportunity has landed and I will grab it and make the most out of it.

Thank god!

Discipline

"Discipline is the refining fire by which talent becomes ability" Roy L. Smith

I had a close shave

It was the usual case. I tried to talk to myself to just conform, just conform, but I can;t seem to understand the conversation. I only know how to look through them. I looked through them. I do not know why.

I am jealous of their focus. I am not focusing.

Then I hate their body language; using fingers to cover their nose. This really riles me as I do not like people find me unattractive because of my bad breath.

I always feel that I am at fault. I always feel that I am unable to control myself.

I must control myself. I must. I must. I must. I must.

"You have a period of time when your career you're uncertain, that's why you change job all the time. But it will come a time you are more certain with a career."

"the idea of a career is changing from a series of vertical steps within one country, it's changing now much more to a flexible pattern, we move much more within countries. We're now much more concern manage our own career (than getting people to manage your career). That's the difference between Gen X & Y"

Sabbatical

I think this is called sabbatical.

I need sabbatical.

This is so wrong continue working without a reflections of what you've done all these while.

Why I don't need To worry?

This is my strategy to damage-control my reputation:

1. Build strong networks

2. Start talking about the company:

"highly political company"

"corrupted practices in getting tender"

"uninitiated HR practices"

3. Get out of there. Only truth will prevail.

Based on this website, the rumors has to be this:

• The successful rumor is easy to remember.
• » The successful rumor follows a stereotyped plot.
• » The successful rumor is a function of the momentary interests and circumstances of the group.
• » The successful rumor exploits the emotions and sentiments of the group.

I know that this thing will come back to haunt me

I do realize that whatever I did and whatever I didn't do will always come back to haunt me.

I'll do better to move to some place that no one knows me. My name in the world is probably messed up. Some will see me as a messed up arrogant bitch. Others will see me as this passionate person who wants nothing but an altruistic life.

I can only do whatever I can control now. My future. My present position. My own peace of mind. I do not bother what others think of me. I only bother about what I think of myself.

I will stay positive.

At least I know I am not evil even to myself.

I will stop fretting but start thinking about damage control.

My Strategies

This is my working paper to achieve my goals by end 2011. I will be brave. I will.

1. Pray to god. I believe that all this leads to my changing my life dramatically. I believe that He wants me to move out of my comfort zone and take the plunge into the unknown to achieve bigger goals. I believe that God wants me to do good to the world.

2. Sustainable Pay- will ensure that I push through and not give up that easily I will get enough salary to sustain my monthly needs, at least get RM6,000 per month for my monthly needs. RM3,000 licence, RM1000 from rentals, RM2000 from part time job

3. Networking - continue going out to meet with people and make friends cause you'll never know who will be your saviour. Always value my friends and anybody I meet.

4. Stay positive - keep my head up high, read positive books, never listen to people who tell you it's impossible. Listen to motivational talk in youtube and ted.com etc. Stay motivated.

5. Stay healthy - exercise, get energy from anywhere. Be passionate in what you do. Make sure things are always smooth and uncluttered.

My PLAN:

1. Sustainable Income - Find quick

2. Network for training

3. Work for Aaron

4. Find opportunities...

Here we go.....

I will attempt again to write consistently my blog. This time is different. I have no safety net. I will fail badly and climb from scratch again if all else fail. I will not even think about failing.

This is not easy. This is hard. This needs to be done right!!

Damn I am scared, I am scared to death when I allow the floodgate of doubts and the picture of failing in my mind. But I must remind myself that this should NOT BE ABOUT ME ONLY! This SHOULD NOT BE ABOUT MY REPUTATION. THIS SHOULD NOT BE ABOUT MY 'FACE'. This is scary.

I will attempt right this time.

One of the problem I have is that I might not have enough money to sustain for long enough. If only I have millions of dollars, I will plunge in deep and not afraid of anything. But I do not have millions, I do not have more than 20k. I have only a little bit of money!! I am not sure I can sustain this. Worse come to worse I will have to sell my condominium. But I will not lose head and diverted by this.

I have live long enough and work long enough to prepare for this. I have. If I do not start now, I will not be able to start at all. Life will be back to normal. I promise that I will work hard till end 2011. WOrk so hard that I will be able to determine my future for good. My destiny will be determined by now. I will not just launder with a SPM position. There's just so much to lose to continue with this work. Too much to lose. This time is different. This is it!!!

Next page is my strategies....

Management by Application: Organizational Culture

‘Recognition that the corporate (or official) culture is but one of many cultures in every

organization is essential if corporate cultures are to be successfully changed and employee

attitudes and behaviours influenced’.

Culture in organization determines the effectiveness of an organization to deliver the best service and product to its customers.

Management can determine the right corporate culture for its organization but there are other opposing forces to an organization culture which management has to take into consideration for a proper understanding of its forces on the effective implementati0n of a culture and that is best fit for the engine act of the organization.

This other culture or subculture, which is very much dependent on the individual, social, familliar and nation factors that deviate the corporate culture that could synergize (best case) to destroy( worst case) an organization.

Management has to recognize this disconnectedness that is happening in its own company in order to ensure the best implementation of work.

To change a company's culture, one has to identify the existing culture and subcultures of the company. Awareness that there are many subcultures happening in one company will address this lack of

The Ego pops up occasionally

The ego popped out occasionally. Let's dissect it clearly.

1. Ego is when other people talk with each other without taking me into consideration.

2. Ego is when other see me as the weakest link.

3. Ego is when my mouth emanate foul stench that inhibit my speaking ability, which worsen my feel about myself, which worsen my perspective of others of me.

4. Ego is when other is going to Prague for a new job appointment= huge job opportunity.

5. Ego is when one if feeling good about oneself when other is going through a bad patch that would last a very long time; old age and being single and unwanted.

6. Ego is feeling good when winning a battle.

7. Ego is when you adjust yourself to others 'achievements'(which i define very looosely). If others reaches 500 facebook friends, you begin to consciously work towards that as well.

life seems hopeless sometimes

It seems like the only way is out. But it's just too painful. Too painful

A man has to do what a man has to do!

Exam is near, I will not become lazy, I will trudge through like these are my last days....

Seriously This Serious

Seriously the gen X who wants to climb up the corporate ladder better be prepared to fight tooth and nail with the gen Y.

They are climbing so fast that the Gen X who are at the end spectrum of the range age is going to lose out.

Generation Y learns thing faster, with the help of the internet and PC's, they are more outspoken and they know what they want, with all those idolization culture we have here.

Generation X is the 'lost' culture. We were torn from the conservative, less discerning, over-pampered, over-hitched with marijuana parents, and the need to exert our self during our formative year, only now we are starting to move up the corporate ladder.

If we do not work harder, we could lose out.

They are gaining in!!!! Watch out!!!

I need to be ready, which I am not but I am going there

I dun think I am ready, I am not ready, I will be ready

I need to prepared to be ready

regards

If only the world ends

Human beings are meant to suffer. We are useless being who care not but make ourselves miserable for no apparent reasons. Reasons like because others have them, because it's the norm, because it's not fair, are the usual unsaid reasons for becoming rich, for becoming successful, for becoming a celebrity.

If people were to live usual, and common, without any one stand out, nobody will stand out. NOBODY!!

Because of human tendency to compare, they put it to themselves to achieve what others have. Damn.

So the only solution is for the world to end. To go kaboom!!! NO one survives. Sufferings has ended. In fact suffering has just begun, only that animal usually are not aware of the sufferings anyway. So it's ok

Miller's Law

I will strive to uphold Miller's Law.

Miller's Law says that believe that what other people are telling you are the truth, and imagine the consequences of what he/she says. This way you will try to understand what people are saying.

The folly of communication often is caused by people do not try to listen to others. Think they understand with assumptions that potentially destroy relationship and causes fighting.

By extending your thoughts with Miller's Law, you are setting yourself up for a better relationship. As far as I am with my boyfriend I do not assume, because it is so easy to assume that he wants the best for me. As for others there are possibilities that whatever they said could be misconstrued as trying to cause harm to me.

I am not sure whether I get into trouble posting this photo. Hehe Notsure where this come from. But anyway, I am stuck here in this stupid jam, not sure what is happening to the ever hammed Jalan what'sitname, taxi driver is cursing every other minute, and surprising thing is I am calm.

For now.

I need to be at the airport by 9pm. Now is 7.55pm. Thankfully its a domestic flight, worse case is I will need to drive to JB. or take a next-day flight. But I hope not. I am reaching the traffic light. It's near.

The headache is severe, due to lack of sleep. I need sleep but I could not because I guess the smell in this car is killing me;body odor,and the constant cursing.

Interesting Blogs

It's true, my blog is apart from the awesomely ridiculous six-pack korean hunk photo at my banner, there's is nothing to shout about. That's why I am making a change right now. To feature hot guys, mainly shirtless at the top of all my post. I must be able to attract readers here for a start. Not a single comment coming in. Of course my life is not that interesting.... yet.

Talking about interesting life, I had a chat with this new friend I know whom sexcapade outwits my imagination. I should not hang other dirty linen in this public post, (more so I would expect more readers now that I post hot guys photos) but I could perhaps share some of mine.

Let's see. Hmmm. OK this is tough, but one time I have an encounter with this hot guy, smooth, toned and young, my type hehe. He has this most delicious hmmm,hmm , would this possibly be read by my bf? Maybe not, then again this is just my history. I know I love him.

Anyway, he has this most delicious ice cream (hint hint) I had ever taste, and that was when I was pulling my car at the road side and I went down on him. It was seriously good. I still can remember it even now. We did not stop for too long, worrying suspicion and being found out by wandering policemen, whom I heard from stories tend to recognize sleazy car parkings. Some of my friends were caught and almost got themselves into deep irreversible trouble.

But somehow we were found out. One time we did this sexcapade where I held my hand round his icecream, and were holding the stearing wheel on my right hand. I failed to realise this lorry in front of me with people at the back, standing, straight, staring at my hand, on the lollipop. He looked surprise but without such disgust I thought such people would have reacted. I quickly swerved to the left and accelerated my car to run away from the van just in case he chose to enforce the driver to take chase for me. Well we got away.

Yeah, that was a nice icecream indeeeeed.

Life's Vulnearability

Humans are very vulnerable. There are many ways to kill a human being; direct or indirect ways, forced or voluntary, through pain or through pleasure. The carbons of life is converted more and more to skin and muscle which response and react to the brain of the most conscious mind in the short life of earth.

Randomization creates earth. I trust chemical reaction is the epitome of human civilization, which does not really liberalize us from the sorrow that is our undoing. Just like pouring oil onto water and shake it so that it mixes, human being can be influenced by the chemical reaction that causes them as well as influence the very chemical reaction.

However influencing chemical reaction limits itself to taking drugs or for the old civilization, taking herbs. Herbs are chemicals that intercept natural reaction in the body, to form new manifestations.

Chemical reaction influencing us is the very idea of human liberalization; we just are not in control of the reactions that is happening to us. Because the reaction is just too complex to measure, it is not worthwhile to measure it, and call it entirely by its outer manifestation like being angry and throwing tantrums for example.

What is wrong with that model? That consciousness is a human reaction. There's no way to explain consciousness as a human specialty, for dolphin has been known to produce such evidence, but i choose to associate consciousness with divinity. With divinity I am in charge. I am separated from the reaction and action that I do not condone.

Mr Ego and Me

Mr Ego has been the significant part of my life for the longest time. Since I was young(I threw out my cousins after losing the singing competition in my room), till I was in my University (I wanted to commit suicide after failing a paper).

But there was a blip when I started my job as a product specialist. There was a long period, where I do not remember my ego caused drama. That's that place I want to explore.

Days as a product specialist: That time was a great time. Life was simple, ( I go to work, come back, play PC Games or jerk off), money was easy (I work like bulls and hit my target), friends was a plenty( I have a lot of true friends especially one whom I trust wholeheartedly), pressure was off (I did not worry about getting a partner or getting married). Ego was perhaps the most distant from me at that time.

Or maybe my ego was focused on my family. I do not know why I did what I did, maybe because my ego was just not rubbed well enough. It was a tough time of my life. I withheld pleasure to myself, and substitute those with karaoke sessions, porn and PC games. It was a great moment of my life. I lost the moment to be better.

Which I am now. I am just started to grow as a person, in my early 30's, while many have shifted to another level. I am still struggling, looking at myself in the eye of others. In the eye of others!! That's very dramatic. Very selfish, very self-aggrandizing indeed. How did I manage to reach this state?

Perfection

I find constantly searching for perfection will make you lazy.

This is because perfection that is not rewarded will cause de-motivation.

In my case perfection that is not rewarded by external factors.

I need to work towards getting rid of this need for external rewards.

Mr Ego

Mr Ego is still here.

It's me against the "body"

It's a clanky body, overused and yet over-pampered.

Rubbished with too many stupid conditionings, it wants to be dead. It wants to be left in the grave or it wants to be burnt and achieve one with nature.

Not yet body. Wait. I am sorry I treated you like this. But I believe I can use you for something more. There are more pain than pleasure along the way. And I guess that's the way it is. It's either I let go of this, or push forward.

It's ironic, my ego tells me to push forward. It's the only thing that asks me to push forward. Does it make sense to push forward due to something that is so fickle-minded and inconsistent? I need to rethink of this.

All that I am right now is mainly governed by my ego. My anger, my motivation (or the short of it) my MBA, it's all because I want to show the world that I can be better than them. It's Mr Ego. This is wrong.

Searching Job Overseas

Searching for job overseas seems like a great idea considering many are doing so. I know quite a few people who are currently working overseas. Some in China, many in Singapore and some even all the way in Australia.

Most working in Singapore has PR status and some working in Australia hope to get PR status.

I will not dwell into whether they are happy there, but I want to know the future prospect for such undertaking.

Job overseas

Is it easy to find job overseas as a marketer? Searching through the job portals like jobstreet, monster and etc, there is a general lack of brand manager position posted, particularly in the pharmaceutical industry.

Need to find next channels to discover this. Headhunters.

I have this inherent and sinister fatigue in my body system. It feels like a strong baggage weighing down on me. They lies on my eye lid, on my spine, on my arms, it also like the friction to my brain electrical activities. All the body systems seem not working in order.

At the same time, there are list of tasks in my head that shouts at me to execute. I want to do the best for each and everyone of them, but they will need my 100% attention.

There's a general sense that my body asks me to "be done with it and get into bed" or "get a movie to watch" because it feels so good to them. They do not like the stress I cause on them. But when I reach the "state" they are forgotten.

I will make my body do what I want them to do.

Feb 24, 2010

I will never stop writing I will never stop writing I will never stop writing I will never stop writing, I promise