Shait!! Like bitches!!!

Oh my god! Oh my god!! What the fuck has happened since i left this abode? It would be over presumptuous to say i've changed a lot and under statement that i have not. Things have turned out unexpectedly.

I guess the most impressive thing i could say about myself is that i am none the wiser. I should be, like most others would but why must i when i am having the time of my life? Da fuck with life, when you reach 40 and want sweet smelling bodies to gravitate towards you is a remote possibility, life is not to be wanted. I expect to die anytime now, but destiny has its way with you that throws you unaware of the next second's sentence. My life is a random mix of action, strive to achieve the exact state of being when it all began, nothing.

I should be happy, i'd die to live this sort of life before but now i have it, let's just say, the mind will never set you free until it dies. Me and my monster. I guess it takes this blog for me to realize that the monster is really is the slimy existence that dwell under the hard skull of mine. It tells me that i am losing on life. That everyone i know is going up and groping with assets and funds. They are lining up on the conveyor belt of certain trap of which they all wish to declare an existence called 'happiness' or least of all 'life'. Mr Monster insist that if i am not in there, i will never belong to anything, and most of all, i will never be happy. So i am not happy.

I should be searching for a better job as the one i am having is killing me, but hey it's killing me only twice every week and i can choose not to be killed if i want to. I don't have a great place to stay but hey, have i ever had a great place to stay anyway. I can't take care of myself so why should i take care of a house? So it's a constant battle.

I blame it on my stubborn inability to listen to my real self, the frustrating failure to reach the nirvana state of my meditative goal. It seems like i have not reached anything significant to call an achievement. Which is a bummer.

It this feels like an introspective diarrhea, it actually is, so i should stop now before i get dehydrated.

Uncertainties

There are many uncertainties going on right now. Very exhausting brooding over it.

I want not to lift the veil of my future fearing the worse-case consequences. And am combating the invisible power call destiny. My destiny I've fought over for many years, I accepted it for a very long time. When I began to work towards changing it, I realize the impossibility. I can't change my destiny. It's heart-rending to acknowledge it. But I can't really grasp the extent of this curse. Maybe it's real, maybe it's real, maybe it's real.

 

L

Boohoo

I lost, I got 2^nd runner-up for the humorous contest. Damn I am bitter when I lose when I think I should have won. This is shitty. I hate this. I thought I was the best and reality always always come bite me in the butt. This is so disgusting.

Is it possible knowing everything but still remain hopeless

 

Yeah, I can attest to that, maybe that skill and my character just do not match

No stupid answer. Any other has other answer?

What have I become?

This is hopeless, it seems like I am saying this every once in a while. Like I am forever trapped inside this cycle of despair and recovery. It's constant flapping to stay above the surface.

I will let myself go this time. I will start my journey of detachment. I will take the route of pain, to cold-turkey myself. To gain emancipation from this crisis.

Sheryl Crow is BACK!!

My favourite female rock act is back, holla!! The quintessence storyteller, the soul country rock act whom may I just add here, accessible to the masses. No one could put so much complexities in emotion packed up in an pop albume like Sheryl Crow.

100 Miles To Memphis is her 7^th studio album, Sheryl Crow co-produced together with Doyle Bramhall II and Justin Stanley. Doyle Bramhall II is a solo artist himself who had worked with Eric Clapton. Justin Stanley had worked with The Vines and Beck. This album packs some popular artists like Keith Richards and Justin Timberlake. The most surprising act for me is of course Justin Timberlake, most likely to prop up her star wattage which had been rather low due to the low sales of her last album, Detours. Justin Timberlake presence is not that prominent here as he only provides backup vocal alongside some lady voice. You would not have known him there if his name is not mentioned in the feature title. By the way, he appears in the cover version of Terrence Trent D'arby's 80's hit Sign Your Name.

One thing is clear with this album is that she has lost quite a bit of her raspy voice just like her most recent albums. I think starting from C'mon C'mon, her voice had sound thinner. Still many critics complain about her thinning voice which does not lend credit to her take into the Memphis sound. Starkly the first single, Summer Day is just not her typical single in the chart. No wonder it did not chart in the Hot 100 of billboard.

One stand-out track is perhaps the cover of this indie act from Washington DC, which The Washington Post back in 2002, proclaim him to be the most soulful export since Marvin Gaye, Sideways. Sideways came out in 2006, appear in several tv series soundtrack like Scrubs. Sheryl Crow had an opportunity to express her strong emotion outpouring which is starkly absent in this album.

When I first heard the album I accidentally heard first Jackson 5's I Want You Back. I thought I was mistakenly listening to the wrong album because uncannily the intro sounds almost exactly like the original Jackson 5's sound. I am unsure to why she chose to record this track but it gives a rather whimsical flair to her intention with this album.

Well I am not sure to what extend I should draw my conclusion to this album for I am never the person who could jump right in about an album with just one listen of even one-day listening. I need to really feel this album at the right time and right state, in order to really appreciate it. But overall, judging by just listening in background hush, I love it.

Inception

I just finished watching Inception, by Batman Forever's Christopher Nolan, starring Leonardo Di Caprio, Marion Cotillard, and Ellen Page. A movie that is 2 and a half hour long, but does not feel like one, the type of movie that I truly enjoy.

It tells about a group of secret agents who work in sort of mind espionage; getting into the mind of the victim to extract secrets which they could not get directly from any black-and-whites, like passwords or one's darkest secret. In this movie, the characters decided to take the tool a notch up, planting idea into the mind of the victims, to change them to make decisions or commit something which they will never commit due to their inherent original believes. Very cool premise indeed.

Written also by Christopher Nolan, this movie brings the audience to the possibility of playing with the mind by existing knowledge of human psychology; that dreams are human way of processing information, whatever that we dream of are our interpretation or ways of making sense to the reality of your day-to-day lives.

The hallmark of a great director, apart from able to inject humour into the story; like when the character of Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Arthur asked Ellen Page's Ariadne to kiss him after they realise the dreamscape they are in will about to break apart, thinking that the kiss would do something. After the kiss Ariadne realise that it did not work, Arthur said "well it was worth it", it also able to engage the audience throughout the whole show. I did not feel the story is 2 and a half hour long instead I was hoping for more for I was expecting more questions to be answered.

It's really quite impossible to come out with a mistake-proof, loopholeless fantasy movies, for you will always question every single details and people will always able to find fault in you and scriptwriter's job will not deserve to bother to even entertain those questions. (they should just say, "watch it again, if you still can;t find it, watch is yet again") I realise a good movies are able to hide well the holes camouflaged in superb plots and explosions, or make it so clever that it would be self-deprecating for people to even bring it up to their friends; it is so smart that everyone pretends to understand. I have in turn learn to accept the fact that good movies with strong premise like this are meant to be enjoyed, as long as they stimulate my intellectual hunger. Rather than questioning the details of the movie, I would want to just get inspired by the human potentials.

I find all audience around enjoy it. I know I do.