Mr Ego and Me

Mr Ego has been the significant part of my life for the longest time. Since I was young(I threw out my cousins after losing the singing competition in my room), till I was in my University (I wanted to commit suicide after failing a paper).

But there was a blip when I started my job as a product specialist. There was a long period, where I do not remember my ego caused drama. That's that place I want to explore.

Days as a product specialist: That time was a great time. Life was simple, ( I go to work, come back, play PC Games or jerk off), money was easy (I work like bulls and hit my target), friends was a plenty( I have a lot of true friends especially one whom I trust wholeheartedly), pressure was off (I did not worry about getting a partner or getting married). Ego was perhaps the most distant from me at that time.

Or maybe my ego was focused on my family. I do not know why I did what I did, maybe because my ego was just not rubbed well enough. It was a tough time of my life. I withheld pleasure to myself, and substitute those with karaoke sessions, porn and PC games. It was a great moment of my life. I lost the moment to be better.

Which I am now. I am just started to grow as a person, in my early 30's, while many have shifted to another level. I am still struggling, looking at myself in the eye of others. In the eye of others!! That's very dramatic. Very selfish, very self-aggrandizing indeed. How did I manage to reach this state?

Perfection

I find constantly searching for perfection will make you lazy.

This is because perfection that is not rewarded will cause de-motivation.

In my case perfection that is not rewarded by external factors.

I need to work towards getting rid of this need for external rewards.

Mr Ego

Mr Ego is still here.

It's me against the "body"

It's a clanky body, overused and yet over-pampered.

Rubbished with too many stupid conditionings, it wants to be dead. It wants to be left in the grave or it wants to be burnt and achieve one with nature.

Not yet body. Wait. I am sorry I treated you like this. But I believe I can use you for something more. There are more pain than pleasure along the way. And I guess that's the way it is. It's either I let go of this, or push forward.

It's ironic, my ego tells me to push forward. It's the only thing that asks me to push forward. Does it make sense to push forward due to something that is so fickle-minded and inconsistent? I need to rethink of this.

All that I am right now is mainly governed by my ego. My anger, my motivation (or the short of it) my MBA, it's all because I want to show the world that I can be better than them. It's Mr Ego. This is wrong.

Searching Job Overseas

Searching for job overseas seems like a great idea considering many are doing so. I know quite a few people who are currently working overseas. Some in China, many in Singapore and some even all the way in Australia.

Most working in Singapore has PR status and some working in Australia hope to get PR status.

I will not dwell into whether they are happy there, but I want to know the future prospect for such undertaking.

Job overseas

Is it easy to find job overseas as a marketer? Searching through the job portals like jobstreet, monster and etc, there is a general lack of brand manager position posted, particularly in the pharmaceutical industry.

Need to find next channels to discover this. Headhunters.

I have this inherent and sinister fatigue in my body system. It feels like a strong baggage weighing down on me. They lies on my eye lid, on my spine, on my arms, it also like the friction to my brain electrical activities. All the body systems seem not working in order.

At the same time, there are list of tasks in my head that shouts at me to execute. I want to do the best for each and everyone of them, but they will need my 100% attention.

There's a general sense that my body asks me to "be done with it and get into bed" or "get a movie to watch" because it feels so good to them. They do not like the stress I cause on them. But when I reach the "state" they are forgotten.

I will make my body do what I want them to do.

Feb 24, 2010

I will never stop writing I will never stop writing I will never stop writing I will never stop writing, I promise