Dear Diary,
I am writing a story right now. This might be the best story that I ever come out.
I like to invent stories in my head. I like to invent stories that I am the best looking guy in the story but tortured literally to live a life of sufferings. The sufferings could be so brutal it's pornish. This is rather wrong to say it, maybe because I watched too many sad movies with male leads being subject to miseries. It's was so great watching male leads getting challenged in their life.
How should I say it better? Male lead facing challenges in life and found the courage to break away from it and came out stronger? Or perhaps male lead made mistakes to cause themselves to question their faith, eventually deliver the best act they ever do? What am I mumbling? Maybe I am just not able to express it.
It feels like I am stuck here, in this mud, unable to cross to the side of tipping point, to release the energy, the creativity power that bestow to me. Am I the only person in this world to see myself as a ball of potential energy? Am I the only person to see the infinite future? Or is it I am just reading too many self-motivational books?
But to take out that picture in the background, it just impossible to fathom how can one not be able to see the potential one has? I am sure more than half of the successful people in this world, (and I must say the proportion is getting bigger and bigger by the day as the world became more egalitarian) are successful not solely by their realisation of their talent but realisation of their able to use talent to reach a higher and higher height. That's the truth. Maybe most of the people in this world have talent, but half of them do not know which talent, or they just do not think the talent worth the mentioning.
But I am digressing, and the digression ain't exactly impressive, but I need to move on to write about something more meaningful, some tangible ideas, some stories.
Hmm, let's see. The story I am going to tell now is perhaps me going about making myself a top student. Perhaps I should write something about being a humour speaker. I need to come out with a humor speech. Maybe this would be a great opportunity to do so. Let's see.
Warm up my audience.
Hi good evening, I am going to talk about something funny tonight. But you see, I've committed a blunder you know to even mention it in my first ever humor speech. This is definitely a recipe for disaster. I am not suppose to talk that I am going to write something humorous as talking about it already blow out the punchline. Silly silly me. See! You guys are not laughing. I am dejected. Bad, I should walk off now, now, standing away and wave, wave Lawrence, wave!!
Err, I shouldn't. Toastmaster's commandment, Thou shall not walk off the stage until thy light in front turn green. Else thou disqualified. Bad. What should I do? I am lost, I am committed a boo boo and I need to salvage the moment as people are just not laughing at me.
OK ok, now act like I am successful. Smile, Smile hard, harder. Harder. And stop thinking aloud.
Stop thinking aloud now.
Bad, I thought I remember seeing some great speakers can just make people laugh just by snapping his/her fingers. I should snap my fingers now. Ok here goes. Snap snap snap. Does not work. maybe I should snap when I am smilling, Showing some teeth perhaps. Oh dear, people are not laughing. Just now laughing.
OK, get yourself together and start talk about a story. Dear audience, I love to talk. I love to talk about speech that can make you laugh. I love to make people happy. That's why if you actually care to remember, my second ever speech since I join toastmaster, after my ice breaker was "How to learn to speak humorously" or something along that line. I was really afraid about talking on stage that I fumbled on my first ever humor speech. I don't quite remember where I what was the actual story of my first humour, but something along the line of spaceship or pencil.
Nevermind, I wanted to talk humour so much because I was really seriously the most, not the most serious child but the funniest child in the family. Seriously. I made them laugh on jokes I made like nobody's business.
I remember one time there's an ad about a card, some sort of bonuslink card, which you can flip out from your wallet and the sales man will smile a generous smile and say yeah, you get 10% discount. I dun remember much about that card name, but I kinda remember how it looked like. A black and red colored card, which did not last after a year. How that card manage to even survive is beyond me come to think of it now, as from a mature businessman perspective of mine, it just does't make much business sense.
Anyhoo, after one too many times they show that ad, I began to break out a joke to my family. Telling stories like if a child went to buy sweet, RM0.10 sweet and then before the mom and pop store owner punch the cashier machine, the child flip out the card, and the owner was crying "like that also want discount ar?" They would laugh out loud. OK OK, that's like an old story and nobody find it funny huh?
However the thing is I love my humour. I just lost it when I found hell. I found hell in movies, in temple, and in many places that talks about religion. People preach about being obedient, filial, morally right, quiet, dun talk too loud, conform!!. I was since afraid to express myself, I wanted to walk within the line. I wanted to follow the herd. That's where I lost myself. I lost that aspect of myself, expecting something like non-hell when I die. That was 20 years ago.
I lost 20 years of my voice, yet I am still alive. I had begun to shave off the conformist tendencies of my natural being, now I am seeing the light. I am free again. I am out of the shell again. But it's a long battle ahead. More needs to be done. I could have been a poet.
But I am happy the way I am. Being conformist has not it's tragedy. It's still a perfect life for me.
thanks
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