There are just too many jealous souls out there, and they are there to enjoy ruining people's life. It's a basic human instinct that afflict only to the ones whom life has nothing else to do. They are basically lazy, complaining that life is unfair cause it inflict so much pain in the very human nature that they demonstrate to their own kind, yet do not want to put the effort to change and be better, breaking away from the very constraint they impose upon themselves.
And the worse thing is this; listen carefully, they subconsciously or not, but subtly or sometimes outwardly deny the people who see beyond the coconut shell, beyond the isolated oasis in a vast desert, to seek the greater good, the better life, the life they never had yet deliberately and decidedly to kill anyone who does.
It's a very human nature like this that makes lives like mine suffer because I am cursed with the mindset that breaks down when there seems to have pillars of human support in sight. I am like a match stick house which crumbles when one match catch fire, lights up and skit away from the foundation. Another way of saying it is that I am externally motivated. I tried and tried so hard to translocate this stupid underpinning that obviously does me no good, I did hang on for a while, strongly, but itt's just too much pain, too much energy. Eventually they fall apart, the mental, emotional, physical stage and lectern/rostrum. It just too much to bear.
People love to feel jealous and henceforth work subtly to kill the target's ambition. I am aware of that and I try to be conscientiously tell myself that I would not be jealous of anyone to the extent that I wanna sabotage his/her work. The only person I am really jealous of is this bitch whom in part of her rise to her elevated position, she destroyed people's chance. That's wrong and I am guilty of personally and unconscientatiously trying to see her downfall. To be fair I admire her resolve and her talent, and I did not do worse stuffs than the fact that I admonished to people who wants to hear. And I propagate and encourage the propagation.
But I'll never gonna give up. It is the mindset of a winner which never gives up and never fall apart from the demolition of the majority soul, and that's why only a handful of people become successful. And I will find my comeuppance, I will regain my ground and push ahead, always finetuning my steps, always innovate the embrace the change that is me. I am beyond this all. Now I analyse, now I retrace my steps, now I am ready for the take off.
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