My mind now revolves around happiness, beguiling, disappointment, pissed and tired. I have met the most important and certainly the most exciting new thing I have this month(I make sure I have exciting things every single month, last month was my new job, the month before was my resignation, haha). It's Skpye.
I thing I did mention about meeting this intangible 'gadget' of the thing, the last article but more to that I discover the excitement of talking non-stop. I practically talked my way to sickness yesterday. I can;t stop talking to my cutie in Adelaide, till late night. And damn he's so cute. Yesterday also I talked to my new potential possibly soulmate bf, who lives in Singapore, a quarter of a thousand miles from where I am now. The thing is I am not sure when I wanna go see him, less of my lack of personal motivation but more of the worry about looking over my busy planner and shock the bezeechel out of my wit.
But I am kinda happy, hmmm, not sure, cause I watch too much sex and the city, and got myself living a fantasy that is not me, a fairytale that is only happening in New York. I like him, I kinda like him, I want to like him, cause I'm like Samantha, a person suffering from lovaphobia, a defense mechanism protecting her most vulnerable side from the most severe type of pain, which could edge towards self-loathing and waste of time so important for her career, the only substantial thing in a person's life. :)
I am disappointed with my friends, whom I might have took them for granted, whom have pushed me away for a few possible reasons;
1. they know bout my salary, and became jealous of me
2. the jealous of me because I am just not dependent on them
3. i am not the person they thot I was, the vulnerable dumb blond with no sense of ambition and think of living a sorry life with them for the rest of my life
4. that i pushed them away, because I never belong to them anyway
But they are still my friends, my loving friends whom I cherish and at least for a short while belonged to, and depended on while I sooth my broken and dishevelled self-confidence, while I facing my deepest fear, and eventually came out stronger, much stronger and wiser. Now that I am back to myself, but by a bigger herculean proportion, I am not them, and they are not me.
It's fine cause I am happy. Hey I am hyperconfident.
I am not that type of person to whine and wallow at my unfortunate condition, pretentiously unaware why my friends would want to sabotage my life for no apparent reason. Cause I know and I am beyond that.
The next step in my life, is how to become a better person.
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