Second Day: It seems impossible

It seems impossible

I hear and read stories of rags to riches, out of those how many have failed

I am trying so hard now

It is very painful, very painful, very painful

Things are not going well

Why do I let external force affect me I don;t know. I just don't know.

I must let external force stop exerting its evil deeds on me. I shall work to find a solution now.

I found this website; 

http://rosiesmrtiepants.wordpress.com/2008/03/10/external-v-internal-motivation/

One of the paragraph says:

Goddess of Mindfulness pointed out that one of the major reasons that people change is that they change when they feel INTERALLY motivated.  EXTERNAL motivation (in other words, advice from a doctor, family, friends, etc) is not altogether motivating and can have adverse effects (feeling guilty, like you are letting others down, etc.), which makes you feel even less interally motivated to change. 

Another website shares a common yet unawared of notion about motivation and it sounds like this. It it titled; Motivation's Easy

http://iam-motivated.com/blog/

Motivation’s easy…… when the “project” is something I want to do!

Motivation’s really hard when the “project” is something I don’t want to do.

If this is a true statement for you, perhaps you could spend a moment of the procrastination time asking yourself a few of the WWHW questions

WHAT is it that I don’t want to do? By identifying the task clearly we have a better chance of identifying the blockage.

WHY don’t I want to do it? Be honest. “Just because..” is not an honest answer. You might need to break the “project” into components and start the WWHW again

HOW can I change this? There’s a question! Can you change the process, or, can you change the way you feel about the process? Or, you might ask, “How can I build a reward into this?”.

WHEN can I start? This is an important question. Often the answer to this is NOW. And then your procrastination ends and your motivation kicks in.

Of course, if this doesn’t work for you, you can always add another W - “WHO can I delegate the task to?”

It tells you that motivation is a slew of steps to take, and a list of questions to ask yourselves to deal with. At times difficult, others straighforward, it bears your soul to the must-be-done.

I am externally motivated. Superexternally motivated. When all is wrong, I am unable to move on in my life. There seems to be a lot harder to work, if I keep on thinking the negative visuals I have. Like today, hearing my colleagues and what my colleagues told me about my bosses thought of me, just kills me to the core. How can I work at my best if my bosses think of me as a nuisance, as a black sheep, as a person who they don't like. Notice that all the list I put are of my own thoughts, not necessarily confirm by them, but very much my interpretation, wildly interpretative. What is the answer to my predicament?

Another website touches my heart because it feels like just what I am.

http://weblog.revelife.com/Revelife/685692633/please-tell-me-im-doing-a-good-job.html?ref=xn

t work, I am probably too concerned with how my boss views my work, and go a little overboard to make sure that I look good in their eyes.  As a member of a band that considered pursuing a record contract, I thrived on the approval of concert promoters and contacts in the music industry.  I'm also a screenwriter – one of only 8.2 million others in New York City (population 8.3 million).  When I email people to see if they're interested in a script, I allow positive feedback to send my spirit soaring in ways that I should only let the Spirit of God do. 

The author is obviously Christian, god-fearing entity who has the same problem as I am but with a solution at hand; that you could always turn to god for guidance if you are expecting people's praise. That an acceptance from god will relief you from the pain of low acceptance from others. Cause that's the way it should be.

Other article blames capitalism for ones woes, of the thinking of what other think of you kind. If I were a rich boy, everything is possible for me, if I am handsome and all, no bad breath, would I bother about what others think of me? About how my boss hates me to the core? Would I? Less so than I am now; unattractive, foul-stench emitter with no hard core brain.

it occur to me like a eureka moment tat the main reason y tat u care wat ppl tink bout u bcoz u hv low self esteem. U urself think lowly of yourself, hence you need someone to validate u instead!